


Te Tengo

by Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Nairobi is still alive though I'm sorry Berlin, Nightmares, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25055269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2/pseuds/Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2
Summary: Everything was as it should be and they were happy, until Helsinki realized that something didn’t seem right.
Relationships: Helsinki | Mirko Dragic/Palermo | Martín Berrote
Comments: 7
Kudos: 45





	Te Tengo

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo....this was purely written on impulse. I have no clue if it's good because I'm still getting used to writing in third person. It did take me a while though so I did put effort into it. Forgive me for any mistakes, sometimes when I'm thinking I forgot to type the word lol. The idea just came to my head and maybe I was in the mood for some angst too.

When Helsinki fell for Martín, he was still Palermo. Most saw a complete asshole who took a liking to alcohol and emotionless sex. Helsinki on the other hand could almost instantly see the man behind the facade desperate to hide from the world. Nairobi called him ridiculous for wasting so much effort to love someone like Palermo and maybe she was right, but nobody could really choose who they fell in love with. 

The Bank had only driven them further apart before it brought them together. The stress was weighing on all of them and Palermo had taken it the hardest. The stress of a blinding injury and the simple fact that everything seemed to be going wrong, it was enough to drive him off the edge. Helsinki stopped him killing himself and he helped chain him the chair. Helsinki was angry when Palermo encouraged Gandía to escape and he was even angrier when Nairobi got taken hostage, but it didn’t last forever. 

After Gandía was killed and Nairobi was rescued, Helsinki found Palermo sitting alone in a room away from the others. They sat together in silence before Martín completely dropped the mask of Palermo, leaving himself completely vulnerable to Helsinki. He took accountability for his mistakes, paid for them,and Helsinki forgave him. They bonded over their pain and when they said their names, they were closer than they’ve ever been before. Their bond grew and they both made a promise to each other; a promise to not lose anyone else or each other. 

In the end, they both did keep their promise to each other. When the rest of the team saw what was going on between them, there was both disapproval and confusion. Martín didn’t drop the mask when he was around them in the first place but their slightly too harsh words had gotten him to be distant around Helsinki once more. He was trying to show off he was angry when Helsinki came to find him, but it wasn’t hard to see the tears and painful doubt in his eyes. 

“They’re right, I’m not good for you. You’ll suffer.” 

The others were still angry but they were maybe still being a little too harsh. He figured Martín could get along with anyone on the team if he showed that he wasn’t really that much of an asshole. Nairobi was the only one who finally started to understand after he had explained it to her, making it perfectly clear that he couldn’t just not love him. 

Helsinki’s gaze didn’t stray from his eyes as he made himself clear, “I would suffer without you.” 

The look in Martín’s eyes was vulnerable as the tears began to fall down his cheeks. Helsinki remembers pulling him in for a hug and feeling Martín hug him back. In all honesty, it had been a heartwarming moment to see him grow to accept affection after he had spent years trying to avoid it. 

Helsinki made him one more promise. 

“I’ll never leave you.” 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” 

“I’ve never broken a promise.” 

Martín looked up at him and Helsinki reached a hand up, rubbing a stray tear from his cheek. Martín leaned into the touch and a small shaky smile came to his face. They didn’t say the three sacred words to each other, but it was their own declaration of love. 

Despite what everyone said, they were paired together in New Zealand. It was the perfect place; Helsinki wanted to see somewhere new and Martín prayed he didn’t have to see South America again. They bought themselves a nice apartment by the water and truly did begin to experience peace.

In the months that passed, Helsinki watched the injuries on Martín’s face and heart slowly turn to scars. Martín had allowed himself to completely trust Helsinki and he overcame his fears, allowing himself to be completely open. 

It was heartwarming to see him finally heal. 

Helsinki thought Martín seemed happier than before; he was smiling more, laughing at the little things, and danced around the apartment just because his favorite song was on the radio. The sex had always been exhiliarting but once it became more than just fucking, things somehow became so much better. Martín was the one to insist that they start keeping the lights on and take it slow in order to feel every strong wave of pleasure. 

Martín might have slipped into his old habits of drinking too much or shutting down from time to time, but he always did come back to himself. Everything was as it should be and they were happy, until Helsinki realized that something didn’t seem right. 

It had been about five months and Martín seemed almost too normal. It wasn’t really a concern at first; Helsinki was actually glad that Martín seemed to be doing great with no apparent signs of being haunted by the bank heist. The situation became a concern when Helsinki began to notice the subtle details that clearly said Martín was hiding behind a smiling face. 

He was eating even less. 

He looked tired. 

The smile looked almost a little too forced on occasions. 

The sudden occurrence of nightmares proved his point. Helsinki woke up to movement on the bed. He was always a light sleeper; it was a habit his body had grown accustomed to after spending so much time at war. When he opened his eyes, the room was dark but he immediately was aware of his beloved shaking and shifting in his sleep. 

Helsinki was no stranger to nightmares; war and the stress of both heists wasn’t exactly healthy on the subconscious. He’s had plenty of bad nights that have forced to relieve the feeling of the noose around his neck, the guilt of not trying harder to stop Berlin from staying behind, and the pain of losing Oslo. Some of those nights were worse than others, but he had found ways to cope with the pain in order to not be consumed by the trauma. 

The nightmares that Martín had, they were usually about the bank. The two common ones that tended to haunt his nights usually were either about the injury or Nairobi’s rescue. 

When Martín had the nightmare about his injury, Helsinki would wake up to him screaming in agony. He would progressively grow more panicked, insisting through tears that the glass was still there and he couldn’t see anything. 

Helsinki never really sure how long it took before he was able to convince Martín that he could see and the glass was gone. 

When it came to Nairobi, his mind had twisted the story. They saved Nairobi from Gandía, but Martín’s nightmare convinced him that she was dead. Helsinki would wake him to him completely breaking down as he was overwhelmed by guilt. Martín would sob, choking out the same mantra over and over again. 

_I’m sorry._

_I didn’t want her to die._

Helsinki held him, holding back his own tears as he reassured Martín that Nairobi was okay and it wasn’t his fault. It took some time to calm him down but eventually Martín fell back to sleep for the rest of the night. 

Some nights were worse than others and even if there was clear shame written across Martín’s face the next day, Helsinki didn’t mind it. Martín trusted him and after taking plenty of large personal steps, Helsinki swore he’d never let him fall again. 

Tonight was when things had somehow gotten worse. 

Helsinki turned on the lamp at their bedside, eyes carefully watching Martín’s trembling form. Usually it wouldn’t be long before Martín woke himself up and gave Helsinki enough of a hint to know what the nightmare was about. He waited and instead of injury or death, a different kind of monster turned out to be haunting his dreams. 

Helsinki felt his heart sink when he heard Martín whimper, “Mamá….por favor. Lo siento."

He sounded so broken, so _scared._

The past was really only talked about if it was brought up. When Martín laid down next to him, fingers dancing over an old faded scar or tattoo, Helsinki would gladly tell him the story about it. There were some detailed stories to tell and others that didn’t have much to them, but Martín always seemed so interested. 

While Helsinki was willing to be an open book, Martín was used to hiding himself from the world. He had opened his heart and willingly talked about the night Berlin destroyed him, but he never really wanted to bring anything else up. 

After seeing those horrible lash scars on his back, Helsinki could only assume that horrible things much worse than the heartbreak had happened to him. He didn’t want to push Martín to talk about it but at the same time, the pain itself couldn’t go unaddressed forever. 

Helsinki had tried to ask him about the marks once, running a finger over a line of raised skin across his shoulder blade as he adopted a cautious tone. 

“Who did this to you?” 

Martín gave him a forced smile with clear pain in his eyes, “Don’t look so worried mi amor, the past is the past.” 

Helsinki has seen and had enough bad injuries to know that those harsh marks didn’t look like anything that could have been done without ill intent. The lashes were inflicted by someone who had been angry and hateful. Helsinki wanted to hurt whoever did that to Martín, just as much as he wished he would have hurt Berlin, but it was also important to focus on the future. 

Martín continued writhing and whimpering in pain as he faced an unseen monster, clearly not waking himself up. He let out a sob, the fear-laced pleas growing louder and more desperate. 

“No, Mamá, no. Lo siento.” 

Helsinki tried to call him first, at a tone that wasn’t too loud and not too quiet, “Martín.” 

When that didn’t seem to get him out of the nightmares, Helsinki decided to take a risk. From personal experience Helsinki knew that nothing good could come from touching someone in the middle of a nightmare, but he couldn’t just sit here and watch him suffer. 

Fully expecting Martín to lash out, Helsinki braced himself as he gently touched his shoulder. He shook it lightly and tried again, “Martín. Wake up, it’s just a nightmare.” 

Martín opened his eyes with a gasp. He immediately flinched away from him, unfocused blue eyes wide with fear. Before Helsinki had any time to stop him, Martín was already falling off the bed in a mess of tangled sheets as he attempted to run away. 

Helsinki slowly got off the bed and cautiously made his way over to Martín, who had pressed himself up against one of the bedroom walls. He was still violently shaking in fear with his knees to his chest and hands up to defend his face. Helsinki could hear him still mumbling the same broken pleas, “Please. I’m sorry. It’s not my fault. No more.” 

Helsinki could feel his heart break a little more at the sight of seeing Martín backed up against the wall, looking small and terrified. He decided it would be best to take a seat down in front of him at a good distance. Helsinki was now consciously aware of his actions, making sure that he didn’t make any movements to make Martín’s fear get worse. 

He was gentle with his words, “Љубљени , can you hear me?” 

Martín let out a choked sob and whimper of pain, clearly struggling to catch his breath. Helsinki was desperately fighting the urge to take Martín in his arms as he sat there painfully watching him unravel, ““You’re safe Љубав, it was just a nightmare. Open your eyes.” 

Martín only seemed to close his eyes tighter, as if he was expecting someone to hit him. Helsinki still found the control to sit in the same place, repeating the same words of comfort. Eventually, he saw blue eyes still swimming with fresh tears. Martín wasn’t completely calm just yet, but there was at least some familiarity back in his eyes. 

His voice wavered, “Mirko?” 

“I’m here. Just breathe Corazón .” 

He isn’t sure how long they’re there for, but it doesn’t really matter as they sit there just breathing and looking each other in the eyes. It’s hard for Martín at first but eventually he’s following along with him, the tension slowly exiting his body. Helsinki took the chance of reaching over to lightly touch his leg with the intention of trying to provide some form of tether back to reality. 

A rough flinch ran through Martín’s body and just when Helsinki was about to go back to square one, Martín shook his head. Helsinki saw him swallowed thickly before his wavering voice broke the silence, “I...I need you.” 

That was the only signal Helsinki needed. 

Helsinki now found himself next to Martín, immediately moving to take the love of his life into his arms. Martín flinched again but he willingly accepted the affection, mumbling another small reminder to himself. 

“I need you.” 

Martín was sweaty and the shaking hadn’t stopped quite yet. Helsinki was fine with the continued silence; they could talk about it if Martín wanted to or they could continue to sit here and breathe for another two hours if that’s what it took. 

“Are we really safe?” 

Martín’s voice sounded strained and just empty.

“We are.”

Martín silently nodded before thickly replying, “Good. That’s good because...because…-”

He gripped onto Helsinki tighter, clearly unable to finish as he broke down crying once more. Helsinki held onto him just as tight, rubbing gentle circles on his back as he whispered words of comfort. 

“Te Tengo. It’s okay, you’re safe.”

The rough sobs shaking Martín’s body and the feeling of that rough raised skin were enough to bring tears to Helsinki’s eyes.

Helsinki could feel Martín’s pain, that raw unhealed wound that never really did stop bothering him. Martín hadn’t said it but Helsinki figured that the monster must have been his mother, a person that he should have felt only trust and love for. 

When the sobs gradually calmed down, Helsinki slowly shifted to get a hand under his legs and a hand around his waist, before lifting him up. 

“Let’s go lay down.” 

Martín rested his head against his chest as they traveled the short distance back to bed. Helsinki fixed the sheets over Martín and took care of the light before joining him back under the covers. Helsinki immediately took Martín back into his arms, their legs tangling together as they held onto each other like lifelines. He continued to rub comforting circles on Martín’s back, desperate to not pay much attention to the feeling of his tears against his skin. 

“Te tengo.” 

He could hear Martín inhale shakily as he whispered against his skin, “Lo siento.” 

Martín wasn’t shaking as badly anymore and he still might have been upset, but the usual shame was beginning to set in. Helsinki pressed a kiss into his hair and gave him a light squeeze, “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” 

If the emotions weren’t running so high, Martín would have surely argued with him about that. Helsinki continued to hold him, eventually feeling his shoulders go relaxed. Martín’s breathing evened out and it was clear that all the crying had put him to sleep. 

Helsinki wanted to protect Martín, but it wasn’t exactly easy to fight a monster that wasn’t right in front of him. Martín clearly must have been used to people hurting him; his mother, Berlin, and other boyfriends. Helsinki swore to himself once more than he’d never let Martín feel that kind of hurt ever again. 

He would only give Martín love and safety. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Љубав- Love  
> Љубљени- Beloved
> 
> I used google translate so I have no clue if that's accurate.


End file.
